


to wish impossible things

by girljustdied



Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-26
Updated: 2010-12-26
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:04:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girljustdied/pseuds/girljustdied
Summary: alisha and simon navigate the murky waters of their relationship together and call it love.  maybe it even is.  just don’t say “it will be.”





	to wish impossible things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theleaveswant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleaveswant/gifts).



He’d always been quiet, always been inward. Whatever version of him. The little she knew of them—him. Simon. She’d thought that finally being able to touch him would make things easier. Better. Different. Like they were before.

He deteriorates instead. Fears, jealousies she pretends she doesn’t understand. It’s a fucked up situation, couldn’t they just let themselves be happy? Why did he have to make everything so fucking difficult all the time? _He_ did this in the first place.

That’s where she starts to unravel. He did it for her. Everything. He would. She can’t even make herself doubt his devotion, not for a second, not even if she wanted to.

She watches him stare up at the ceiling now as he lies on his back. He’s next to her, his knuckles brushing against her hip, but worlds away. Christmas lights they’d yet to take down—they were rather romantic, she’d protested the one time he’d tried, plus the place needed more color—illuminate the panes of his face. He looks desperately sad. And tired. She’d mixed up something his older self had said to her. Thought this Simon had. Whenever something like that happened, he always got still. Silent.

“If you’re so miserable, why don’t you just break it off with me?”

He jerks a little bit at her words, like he’d forgotten she was there. Looks over at her before shaking his head.

“What?” she snaps. Suddenly wants to start a fight. “Go on, say what you’re thinking. For once.”

He frowns, looks like he wants to touch her. Doesn’t. “I’d never break up with you.”

“Why?”

Simon’s surprised by the question. Looks at her like she should know his reasons. “Why don’t you do it?”

“What?”

“End things. I’m not who you want.” He adjusts his hair—nervous habit, she knows. In the future he didn’t care about that sort of thing. In the future, he won’t— “I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

“Don’t say that—” she blurts out desperately before she can think to cut herself off. He looks as if she’d reached out and struck him. “Simon. I know it’s difficult. Don’t you think it is for me as well?” He sits up in the bed, reaches for a pair of trousers— “What are you doing?”

“I’m going for a walk.”

At least he’s not going invisible on her again, creeping about the flat, not giving her a chance. It takes a second to remember that he simply can’t do that anymore, and she wonders briefly if he yearns to the same way a secret part of her wishes she could touch him and just _make_ him forget everything else.

“Simon,” she rises to face his back, press her palms down firmly into his shoulders to keep him on the bed. Cranes around him to kiss his temple. “Simon.”

He turns his head to look up at her, eyes blazingly blue. Tilts his head and touches his lips to hers tentatively like he can’t help it. It’s intoxicating; it’s more than enough of an invitation for her. She opens her mouth greedily, slides around his body to straddle his lap and shove his back down into the bed.

“What are you doing?” he rasps when they disconnect to catch their breaths, his exhales slightly sour from the beer they’d shared earlier.

“I think it’s pretty obvious,” she shrugs her robe off and moves to yank up his t-shirt, a strange tick-tick-ticking under her skin making everything feel unbearably urgent.

He stills her, his hands gripping hers tight. “What do you want? From me?” Swallows when she doesn’t answer right away. She can’t. “Who do you want?”

“You,” she answers thickly. It’s all she can say—all she can give him. It’s everything she’s got. “What do you want?”

He considers the question for so long it makes her nervous. Fuck. She’d been sure, so sure that he—

“I want you,” he finally says, the admission like something heavy pressing on her chest and yet somehow also a weight lifting as well. “But I want you to see me—don’t say we’re the same person.”

“You are,” she can’t help but protest. “You will be.”

His eyes flicker, so many different emotions flitting around she can barely grasp just one.

“Do you think we would be together if,” his voice trails off for a second, he closes his eyes. “If I’d never come back for you? If he hadn’t been so different?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know.” It would be easy to tell him ‘no.’ Easier for both of them. But something deep inside her can’t stop thinking about the way he had always seemed to look at her. Or the things he’d done to protect them all, and that he always took her seriously. Something small but loud and forceful in the back of her mind can’t help thinking maybe, maybe, maybe. “What happened happened. I can’t change it.”

Simon’s face crumples, just slightly. His mouth twists, his eyes clench shut harder, and he releases her hands.

“Simon—”

“No, it’s all right. That’s what I thought.” But she can tell that it wasn’t. That in the past three months he’d been in the same place, thinking nothing but maybe, maybe, maybe— “I think you should go.”

She can’t. _She can’t_. Oh, god.

“That’s not fair,” she leans down to press her lips to his, clutches his face tight between her trembling hands. “I love you.”

He groans against her mouth, grips her biceps tight and flips her onto her back in the bed, his thigh riding up between her legs. Sends a rush hot and sharp up the line of her spine.

“Please,” she begs. “I love you.”

“I wish that I could believe you,” is what he replies. “Alisha—”

“Then believe me.”

And then he’s kissing her hard, and slow, and so, so, so _sure_.


End file.
